The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
