my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
