It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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