If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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