maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
