He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
