seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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