her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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