If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
