I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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