i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this beer tastes like vomit already
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That accounts for only three of the penises
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
