Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
