We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
