Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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