I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
