i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
