just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
