My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
