Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
