Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
