Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
