so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize