I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
