my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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