I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
