I just saw a hot homeless man
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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