Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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