another moral hangover. fuck.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
