You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
