watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
