So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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