His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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