Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
