Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
