Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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