Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
