Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
