Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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