I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
