Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
