Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
People in love make me want to vomit
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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