I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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