$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Damn victory sex feels great
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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