I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
