I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
