Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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