Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
