He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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