I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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