i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
