So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
