Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
