If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
